Drunken Speculation

First World Problems

firstworldproblemsgirlWe all have them but some us tend to whinge and whine more than the rest. Usually a bit of perspective is the sure-fire remedy but for some this just doesn’t enter the thought process. The worst offenders are no doubt the egoists and the self-centred. “Why me?” and “What have I done to deserve this?” are common catch phrases. News flash: It’s not all about you! Sometimes it’s just bad luck. There are also those of us who just fail to see the bigger picture. What? You mean there’s more to life than what’s happening in my immediate vicinity? Or perhaps you’re also acquainted with the perpetual pessimist. There aren’t any positives in anything. Ever. Period.

Certainly everyone bitches and moans from time to time but some people have the common decency to realise the triviality of their day-to-day dilemmas and avoid the ‘white whine’.

A friend of mine recently had her car keyed – think all the way up one side, so yeah, pretty annoying. Honestly though, the way she carried on about it was as if there had been a death in the family. Yeah sure, it’s an inconvenience and the shits that did it are exactly that, shits! But come on, it’s not the end of the world.

Another mate was a bit down in the mouth the other day because he wants to purchase some real estate but he’s  quote “so close to having $100,000 in the bank” he wants to wait until he gets there before he “splashes out” into the property market. Wtf?! Am I actually supposed to act sincere when saying “Oh diddums”. Most of us plebs will be lucky to ever have that much dosh in the savings account let alone at the tender age of 26.

Inevitably though, the biggest dicks that think they should be able to go about their lives without interruption or inconvenience can usually be observed catching or riding on buses. “Oh ‘bout time. God, you’d think I’ve nothing fucking better to do than sit around and wait for the bus all day,” remarked one gentleman (I use this term loosely) as he plonked his arse on the seat next to me. The bus was literally no more than 5 minutes behind schedule. And let’s not forget the deros who get their lives ruined by bus drivers who won’t give them a student fare because they “forgot” their student card. Outrageous!

The funniest first world problem I’ve heard though has to go to some lady that called in to a radio station I was listening to the other day. She’d recently tied the knot and was understandably over the moon but get this: her newly cut 3ct diamond wedding ring was too sharp. Oh lordy, lordy! I hate it when my $30,000-plus diamonds are too sharp. At least this woman knew how fucking ridiculous she sounded.

So stress less peeps! If you’re fortunate enough to live in the first world, you’re already doing pretty well for yourself ol’ chap. So, turn off the waterworks next time you can’t find a car park, or your coffee tastes bad, or your sporting team didn’t win, or you had a bad day at work, or, or, or… Life goes on.

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